


As the Clock Runs Down

by ImagineYourself



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 21:15:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineYourself/pseuds/ImagineYourself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based loosely on the concept of the movie TiMER, Dean Winchester, popular ladies man, has been waiting seventeen years for the day he meets the girl he'll spend forever with. But when the day comes, those blue eyes are NOT what he expected. (Note: NOT a gender-bender story)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this story came from a post on tumblr mixed with my imagination, and I had never even heard of the movie TiMER until someone mentioned it when they read this and I had to look it up. And thus, here is my interpretation of the idea as portrayed by my favorite couple.

**Part 1: Birth**

_17 years. 4 months. 8 days. 12 hours. 49 minutes. 37 seconds._

_January 24_

 

When a child is born, there is a time stamp that appears on their small, frail wrist. Such it has been for the entirety of the human race, and such will it always be for the human race. This clock of sorts begins to count down as soon as the baby takes its first breath. The very second the time runs out is the moment that person will meet their soul mate.

Death has no control over time; a person may die before their time runs out, such is the nature of life. But never, in the history of man, could a person cheat fate, even if they tried. For few have tried and none have succeeded. There is an otherworldly countenance controlling when and where we will meet our soul mate and that countenance will not tolerate an attempt to break the system.

This system has been forever, and shall be forever, just as it shall be for the baby boy to a mother Mary Winchester, and a father John Winchester.

“Dean Winchester.”

 

As soon as his name was spoken by his mother, the baby began to cry in the doctor’s hands. His first breath marked the start of his time and the tiny stamp on his wrist read _17:04:08:12:49:06_ and counting as he was given to the nurse standing by to hold.

She bathed him quickly, taking a blood sample from his foot with the tiniest prick of a needle and handing that to another nurse nearby. She then wrapped him in a soft, blue blanket and brought him to his mother.

Mary’s hair was plastered to her forehead and John gently brushed it aside for her, hand still gripped tightly in hers as her breathing started to slow after the exertion. She let go of her husband to take their firstborn into her arms, a tired smile gracing her lips.

“Hello, Dean,” she cooed, tracing a finger down his chubby cheek. He’d stopped making loud noises of protest after being coddled in the blanket, but he still seemed to want to squirm around. John looked over his wife’s shoulder at the boy, transfixed by the tiny, bald bundle that was his son. Looking up at John, Mary let out a small laugh, relieved that the battle was finally over and that their baby was alright.

“He’s perfect,” John breathed, reaching out his own hand to brush his fingers on the baby’s head.

“Yes,” Mary replied, looking back at Dean, “he is.”

 

_00:06:19:16:53:09_

_December 11_

 

“Perfect,” Dean grumbled, grabbing his bag from the floor and slipping on his shoes as he headed towards the garage. “Mom!” he called out. “We’re gonna be late!”

“Coming!” Mary shouted back from down the kitchen.

Sam was waiting at the foot of the stairs, shoes on, backpack on his back, and a book in his hand. “We’re not going to be late, Dean. We’ve got twenty minutes.”

“And it takes fifteen to get there, Sammy!” Dean replied with a scowl. He didn’t know why, but he felt more jumpy than usual. Maybe it was because for once Dean wasn’t seeing anyone. Even though he knew there’d only be one girl in the world for him, he still had decided to try out a few others before the time came. After all, he was voted the hottest guy in school for three years running and that went over pretty well with the ladies. His last relationship with Lisa Braeden had ended nearly two months previously.

But as his time was running out, the great Dean Winchester had begun to grow nervous and irritable, just wanting to meet her already and get on with his life. His parents recognized this, as they’d felt the same in their early twenties, and they did their best to help him through. It was up to Dean, though, to prepare himself for when the time came. He just hoped she was attractive.

Mary finally rushed out to the garage, pulling her boys with her. The ride to school was quiet and they arrived with just two minutes to spare. Sam nearly ran to class, but Dean took his time, mind still wandering. He managed to get into first period right as the final bell rang and took his seat in the back.

He sat next to Jo Harvelle, who had been his friend since they started high school two and a half years previously, and who Dean secretly had the hots for. But he would never act on it, not with his time so close and especially because he liked just being friends with her. That didn’t mean, however, that he wouldn’t flirt with her on occasion.

“Hey hot stuff,” he whispered across the aisle to her, eliciting a small grin from the blonde. She reached out and punched him in the shoulder, making the teacher give them both a hard look. Dean sniggered quietly and stole quick glances at his friend as the hour wore away.

Lunch came around soon and Dean made his way to the table outside that he shared with Jo and her friend Ash. For the first few minutes, everything was quiet, but a sudden commotion a few tables away caught Dean’s attention. Sam was being thrown to the ground by a guy Dean knew well, and instantly Dean was on his feet and striding over.

“Luke!” he called out to the bully standing over his brother. “I thought I told you to leave Sam alone last time.” He let the threat fill his voice as he grabbed Luke’s collar and pulled the kid away from the circle of students that had gathered. Dean felt the sudden urge to sigh; nearly a full semester had already passed and his baby brother still hadn’t taken care of Luke who had been pushing him around since the moment Sam started eighth grade at their school.

“Well I’m terribly sorry that your little baby here can’t stand up for himself,” Luke Milton replied in a sarcastic snarl.

Dean, being older and taller, glared at Luke until the bully backed away a little bit. “Don’t fuck with my brother again or I swear to God—”

“You’ll kill him?” Michael, Luke’s older brother sauntered over. He was the same age as Dean, but scrawny, and even the menacing glare in his eyes didn’t deter Dean.

“Oh, get out of here Michael. You can’t threaten me,” Dean told him, voice cold but exasperated. Without waiting for a reply, Dean turned and picked up his brother by the arm, pulling him away just as Dean’s English teacher Mrs. Singer noticed the ring of students and meandered over.

“Is everything alright, Dean?” Karen Singer and her husband were close friends of the boys’ parents and she always seemed to have a soft spot for the boys. Though she was brutal in her grading of Dean’s essays.

“Yeah, we’re fine Ka—Mrs. Singer,” Dean managed to utter as Sam tore himself away from his older brother’s grip.

“Dean, I was fine. I could have handled it,” Sam said hotly as soon as Karen had nodded and moved away towards the Milton brothers who were glaring daggers at the Winchesters.

“Yeah? Well you didn’t seem to be doing a very good job from what I saw.” Sam crossed his arms huffily and turned away. Dean sighed out a breath and let his shoulders relax slightly. “Look, Sam, I just wanna look out for you, okay? You gotta show ‘em who’s boss though one of these days.”

“I know,” the younger boy replied miserably.

Dean patted his brother’s shoulder. “Come on, go find Brady or something and try not to think about those dickwads for a while.” Sam nodded and moved away while Dean went back to where Jo and Ash were talking at their table.

“I think you really just need to tell Sam to break Luke’s nose next time,” Jo said with a half-smirk as he leaned against the table.

Dean didn’t answer though, and instead looked moodily over the schoolyard. He pulled up the sleeve of his leather jacket and glanced at the black numbers on his wrist. He sighed and tightly crossed his arms, nerves roiling lightly in the pit of his stomach.

 

**Part 1.1: Time**

_00:00:25:14:09:46_

_May 3_

 

The numbers were faintly glowing as Dean looked at them late at night. Or rather, early morning. The day before had been Sam’s thirteenth birthday and though it had been fun to throw him a surprise party, there had been something nagging at Dean all day and all night. He didn’t sleep a wink and instead spent the night watching his time tick away. When the sun rose, Dean decided to go on a quick run around the neighborhood. He ended up running about three miles and spent half an hour in the nearby park just watching the trees before heading back home to shower.

School passed by slowly, the day dragging away and making Dean even more exhausted. It was nearing the end of the year and he was definitely slacking off in his work but it didn’t make much of a difference so he didn’t are. As the day ended and Dean returned home, he fell into bed still fully dressed and slept all afternoon and through dinner.

Dean Winchester generally didn’t dream, but that night he did, and even when he woke up early for school the next day the images were vivid in his mind.

 

_He was being pulled, pulled by an invisible rope. He tried to hold on to something, to force the rope away, but it kept tugging at his chest and dragging him down. Shouting for help, he was being pulled faster and faster and his words were lost to blackness as it took over his senses._

_And then there was blue. The most brilliant blue he’d ever seen._

Dean was startled upright in bed, breathing heavy with cold sheen of sweat over his body. He ran a hand through his short hair and fell back onto his pillows, willing that blue to leave him alone. It didn’t, of course, and he spent the rest of the day with the image of it haunting him in the back of his head.

 

The dream continued to haunt Dean. Every night he would lie awake for hours until finally sleep would take him. But he would wake up after having the same dream over and over again.

Days passed.

Weeks.

Dean somehow made it through the end of school. It was unnatural, his parents thought, that he was having such issues. Dean was never a problem child, never the kind to let nerves get to him even in dire situations. They worried, but they hoped it would all be over soon.

And then the day came.

 

_00:00:00:03:06:31_

_May 29_

 

Dean woke from the dream, coated in sweat and gasping for breath. He looked at his wrist, shocked to see he only had three hours left and leapt out of bed. He took a fast shower and bounded down the stairs to meet the sight of his mother making French toast. She sent him a smile as he sat at the table, jumpier than ever.

“So, honey, today is the day! Are you excited? Or just nervous?” Mary asked him kindly as Sam entered the kitchen with a yawn.

“Both,” he answered honestly. He was excited to finally be rid of his nerves and the stupid dreams that constantly plagued him, but his stomach was still tied with harrowing nervousness. Dean had a hard time choking down the food, but eventually he felt a little better with the sugar inside of him.

“What are you going to do today then?” John asked him, coming down the stairs as soon as Dean was finished eating. He kissed Mary good morning and ruffled Sam’s hair before sitting at the table with them.

Dean hadn’t really thought about it. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do, but before he could think of anything, his mouth was already moving. “I think I’ll go for a drive.”

His father gave him the tiniest look of doubt, but relented. “Alright, son. Be careful.”

“I will,” Dean replied, already out of his chair. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed the keys to his Impala before heading out the door.

Moving languidly around the car, Dean admired his Baby. She was sleek and clean and polished and looked better than she had in a few months. Dean had spent the entire day before cleaning her up, just because he had nothing better to do and working on his Baby took his mind off of other things.

John had only given him Baby for his birthday four months previously, but Dean hadn’t used her very much, preferring not to risk driving when he could barely walk because of constant nerves. But standing there looking at her, he suddenly felt calm and he slid into the drivers’ seat.

The sound of her engine lulled Dean and he stuck in one of his dad’s old tapes. _Stairway to Heaven_ started playing, and though Dean generally would have preferred something harder, he didn’t change the song. He backed out of the driveway and slowly drove away, not knowing where he was going, but knowing he’d find it eventually.

He drove for an hour and a half, meandering aimlessly around the town of Lawrence first, and then leaving it altogether. He ended up in the middle of a wheat field with forty five minutes left and suddenly felt the urge to turn around and head back. So he did.

Dean barely realized that he only had a few minutes left as he entered the town once again. He was thinking lightly about what his soul mate would look like when they met. Would she have blonde hair? Brown? Would she be pretty? Would she have big boobs or nice legs? He was so caught up that when he glanced at his wrist and saw _00:00:00:00:00:46,_ he froze momentarily.

Then he hit something

 

**Part 1.2: Blue**

 

_00:00:00:00:00:27_

_May 29_

 

Dean had been driving slowly, he was back in a neighborhood, and had his foot already over the brake when the car hit whatever it was. And so, he slammed on the brakes, stopping in the middle of a crosswalk. His hands gripped the wheel tightly for a few seconds until he finally glanced around. He couldn’t see what it was that he’d hit, but Dean got out of the car slowly and began to move towards the front.

 

_00:00:00:00:00:03_

 

He was at the bumper.

 

_00:00:00:00:00:02_

 

He took another step.

 

_00:00:00:00:00:01_

 

And there, kneeling on the road in front of his Baby was thin boy with curly black hair and scuffed up hands and knees.

 

_00:00:00:00:00:00_

 

The boy raised his head and looked up at Dean with the most brilliantly colored blue eyes he’d ever seen in his entire life. They were the precise color that had been filling his dreams for the past month.

Dean stood, shell-shocked, and forgot to breathe for a moment.

 _No, no! This can’t be happening! He can’t be my soul mate. It’s not possible. He’s a fucking_ dude _! And I’m straight! I’m totally straight. Oh god. Why is he looking at me like that? What is he thinking? What the fuck is happening?!_

All of that echoed around inside Dean’s head for a good five seconds before he suddenly pushed it all away, determining to deal with the whole “soul mate business” later. But right then, he’d just hit this guy with his car and he hadn’t even asked if he was alright yet.

“Shit,” he finally managed to stutter out, crouching beside the blue-eyed boy. “Are you okay?”

The guy seemed to find his voice after a moment and replied, “Yes, I’m fine, thank you.” They both got to their feet slowly, never taking their eyes off of the other. A car pulled up behind the Impala and honked lightly.

Dean finally broke the gaze to look at the other car. It came to his attention that they were still standing in the middle of a street and Dean glanced back at the boy. “Uh, can I take you somewhere so we can talk?” The guy nodded and moved to the passenger side of the car just as Dean was heading to the driver’s. Dean waved at the guy behind them and the other car drove around the Impala.

“I’m Dean Winchester, by the way,” he said as soon as they were in the car.

“Castiel Novak,” the blue-eyed boy responded. He saw Dean’s surprised glance and blushed slightly. “My sister calls me Cas if that’s better,” he added sheepishly.

Dean mulled it over before nodded as he started to drive. “Cas. I like it.” As soon as he’d said it Dean wanted to reach out and take the words back, realizing how it must have sounded. He clenched his teeth and resolved to stay quiet until they made it to Dean’s favorite diner.

It wasn’t too crowded and they easily found a secluded booth in the corner. A waitress that Dean was familiar with, and didn’t like very much, sauntered over to take their order. Dean ordered a burger and fries while Cas just got a chicken sandwich and a shake. Before she left though, the waitress tapped Dean’s arm with her pen.

“Isn’t today the day you—?”

“Shut it, Ruby,” Dean cut her off quickly. She gave him a contemptuous look and walked away.

When Dean looked back at Castiel, though, he noticed the other guy was nervously looking anywhere but at him. “Um, look, Cas…” Dean trailed off as those bright blue eyes finally met his. Involuntarily, Dean felt his heart beat a little harder. He cleared his throat and glanced away. “Well, this is all nice and fun, but… are we seriously…?”

Cas opened his mouth to reply and then shut it again. “We must be,” he eventually said, holding out his wrist. Dean held out his own and both read zeros all across and were slowly beginning to fade. Dean knew that when your time ran out, the clock would begin to disappear until only a scar-like line of numbers was left.

Against his will Dean groaned slightly in frustration. “Damn it, this was not supposed to happen. This is all wrong,” he muttered, grinding his forehead into his palm. Cas was quiet and Dean looked across the table at him, surprised to find him looking near tears. “Cas?”

“Are you… not happy with me then?” His voice was a broken whisper that tore into Dean’s heart.

“No, no, no, no, no, Cas. That’s not what I meant!” Dean quickly tried to backtrack, but they both knew he had meant it. Sighing out a long breath, Dean hung his head. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “This just… isn’t what I’d been expecting. I can’t just jump into this, you know?” Cas nodded silently, still looking brokenhearted. Dean tried to continue, “Cas, I—”

But he cut himself off as Ruby returned with their food. They were mostly silent after that, neither really touching their food. It didn’t take them long to finish and pay and head back out into the parking lot. As they neared the Impala though, Dean’s phone rang, startling them both.

“Hold on just a sec,” he told Cas, fishing out his phone. “Hello?” he answered timidly.

“Hey, Dean! So, how’d it go?” It was Sam, being annoyingly bright as usual.

“Um, can I call you later, Sam?”

“You on a date? Is she hot? Come on, Dean—”

Before Sam could say anything more Dean ended the call. He turned back to Cas who was watching him with wide eyes. Cas looked away abruptly and they got into the car. “Sorry, that was my brother.” Cas just nodded in reply, staring straight ahead. They were quiet for a moment until Dean realized where they were.

“Do you, ah, wanna go to the park?” he asked shakily. Cas glanced at him.

“Okay,” Cas replied with a one-shouldered shrug.

They arrived quickly and found the place to be somewhat deserted. It was warm, but not too hot, and the two strolled tensely underneath the trees that rimmed the huge grass area. They eventually settled in the shade of a large pine tree, sitting on the grass and needles together in quiet company. 

“Dean…” Cas began slowly after a few minutes. He was sitting with his chin on his knees and his arms around his legs while Dean was sitting with his legs splayed out, holding himself up with his hands behind him. “What… what is going to happen between us?”

Dean looked at him, eyes tracing the profile of his face. The curve of his lips, the edges of his jaw… Banishing the thoughts that suddenly entered his head, Dean turned away. “I don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “I mean, I guess we’re supposed to be together and all that but…” Dean trailed off, glancing at the blue-eyed boy again. “How… how do you feel about everything?”

Cas was quiet for another few minutes and Dean thought he wasn’t going to answer until he suddenly spoke. “I’m fine with this… but I don’t think anything can happen if you are not.”

Dean’s eyes moved to the ground where he absently played with needles between his fingertips. He suddenly turned his head towards Cas. “Do you have a phone?” Cas nodded. “Can I put my number in it?” Cas handed it to him and Dean handed it back a moment later. “You can call me whenever,” he said after a moment.

Cas’ gaze hovered over him for a second until he nodded and put his phone back into his pocket, resuming his position and watching the distant trees. They stayed like that for a long while until Dean suggested they leave as the sun began to fall towards the horizon. He followed Cas’ quiet directions and dropped him off at a nice looking two story house. There didn’t look to be anyone home so Dean waited until Cas was inside before making his own way home.

It was midafternoon when he walked through the door and found the expectant faces of his family all look at him from where they were gathered on the couch watching a movie. Dean stood in the front room for a full minute before silently heading upstairs and falling face-first onto his bed. Night came and went and his family, thankfully, left Dean alone to think in silence. Eventually his eyes found his wrist in the darkness, but the glowing numbers that had once brought both comfort and nerves were gone, leaving uncertainty and fear behind.


	2. Part 2

**Part 2: Lost**

When Dean woke the next day, the sun was already high in the sky. He felt sore and tired, but he hadn’t dreamed about the rope or that impossible blue color, which in itself was a blessing. Memories of the previous day, though, rushed into his head and Dean groaned, sitting up to hold his head in his hands. After a few minutes he got up the courage to leave his room.

John had gone to his work as a mechanic and Mary and Sam weren’t around either so Dean assumed they’d gone out to lunch or shopping or something. Dean went back upstairs and took a long, hot shower, letting the water relax his tense muscles. He was just drying his hair with a towel and leaving the bathroom when the doorbell rang. He picked up a clean shirt from the laundry room downstairs and slung it over his arm, towel still in one hand when he opened the door wearing just a pair of jeans.

Castiel stood before him in the doorway and his face suddenly turned pink in a blush when he saw Dean without a shirt. “Um, hi, Dean,” he stuttered out after a few seconds.

“Hi,” Dean replied, surprised. “Come in, I guess,” he said opening the door wider. Cas stepped in and glanced around before his gaze settled on Dean’s bare torso again. Slightly uncomfortable, Dean shut the door and turned away from Cas. “Gimme a sec.” He moved towards the laundry room again and dumped his towel inside, sliding into his shirt before returning to Cas.

Dean tried not to notice the slightly sad look that came to Cas’ face when he saw Dean had covered his skin. “Do you want anything to drink?” Dean asked slowly, standing awkwardly. Cas shook his head and stepped further into the house.

“You have a nice home. It’s very…”

“Homey?” Dean supplied.

“Yes,” Cas said with a slight smile. They were quiet for a moment.

“So, what’s up? How did you find my house?”

Cas shrugged. “I was wandering around where we were yesterday and I decided to walk a little. I saw your car…”

“Oh, I see.” Dean leaned against the railing of the stairs, waiting for him to continue.

“I thought I might stop by and see how you are today.” Cas paused. “Where is your family?”

“My dad’s at work and I dunno where my mom and brother are. Probably out doing this or that.” Cas nodded in understanding. “I’m alright by the way, thanks for asking.” Clearing his throat, Dean straightened. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” Cas’ brilliant eyes met Dean’s and they stood for a moment just looking at each other until Dean felt heat rise in his cheeks and he looked away. Cas moved closer to him. Dean abruptly stepped away and nearly tripped onto the stairs. “I’m sorry,” Cas apologized, backing away slightly.

“It’s fine,” Dean said, trying to control his fervently beating heart.

“Have you told your family yet?” Cas suddenly asked after a bout of silence.

Dean shook his head. “No, I didn’t get the chance to yesterday…”

“Oh…” was all Cas said. “I should go.”

Dean’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he grappled with his feelings and tried to find something to say. “Okay,” he finally said. He opened the door for Cas and those blue eyes of his looked at Dean as if he had something else he wanted to say. But eventually he gave up and walked outside towards the sidewalk. Dean wanted to call out after him, but he couldn’t make a sound. Instead, he shut the door and leaned his back against it, slowly sliding down to the floor.

“Why does this have to be so fucking complicated?” he asked himself after a long time. But in his heart he knew it really wasn’t all that complicated, he was just making it harder on himself by not accepting his fate. He hid his face in his knees, arms wrapped around himself.

 

It was in this position that Mary and Sam found Dean when they came home nearly an hour later.

“Dean? Honey? Are you alright?” Mary asked, kneeling beside her eldest son and stroking his hair gently. Dean just shook his head, not looking up. Mary glanced at Sam and shooed him away. The younger boy tramped up the stairs, eyes lingering on his brother for just a moment before he disappeared to hide around the corner.

Dean’s mother looked back at him, sitting on her legs and resting one hand on his arm while the other continued to touch his hair. “What happened?” she asked softly.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Dean replied in a whisper.

Mary sighed lightly. “Does it have to do with your soul mate?” Her son nodded and she smiled sadly though he couldn’t see. “Was she not what you expected?”

Dean finally raised his head and looked at her with eyes bright from unshed tears. “Something must be wrong. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. There’s gotta be some explanation!” he cried out, frustrated and confused.

“Honey, you know as well as I do that it’s meant to be. Fate has played its role in your life and now you have to follow the path it’s given you.” Mary’s voice was soothing and Dean was unashamed to find solace in his mother. “It takes time sometimes. A lot of people don’t just meet their soul mates and immediately fall in love with them. It’s just like any other relationship when you start out. Give it time, Dean, I’m sure everything will be better soon.”

Dean wanted so much to believe her words, but in his head he still felt like it was _wrong_. His heart, though, knew she was right and accepted it. Eventually Mary got Dean to calm down enough to lead him to the kitchen and fix him a sandwich, which he barely ate. He retired back to his room, spending the rest of that evening looking at his ceiling before sleep finally claimed him.

 

**Part 2.1: Steps**

 

The next few days passed without incidence, Dean spending almost all of his time locked away in his room doing absolutely nothing. Eventually he was roused from his stupor after nearly four days by his phone ringing. Dean groggily fetched it from across the room before collapsing back onto his bed. Midday sunlight filtered in through the window.

“Hello?” he answered it tiredly.

“Dean? It’s Castiel…”

“Oh, hi, Cas.” Dean fought back a yawn. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you wanted to do something?”

“Uh, like what?”

Cas was quiet for a second. “We could walk through the park again,” he suggested.

Dean thought about it, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sure,” he finally said.

“Do you want to meet in about an hour?”

“Yeah, okay. See you then.”

“See you.”

Dean hung up his phone, letting out a sigh. He lay in bed for another short while before grabbing some clean clothes and heading to the shower. Almost falling on his way down the stairs, Dean was met by Sam as he went to the kitchen.

“Look who’s up and about,” Sam said to him, half-mockingly.

Ignoring his brother, Dean stepped over to Mary who was also surprised to see him out of his room. “I’m going out for a while,” he told his mother, giving her a kiss on the cheek and plucking an apple from the bowl on the counter before grabbing his shoes and heading out the door.

Deciding against taking Baby for a ride, Dean took his time walking the mile to the park. His stomach had been mostly empty for a while and the apple he had settled almost uncomfortably in it. Walking, oddly enough, seemed to help him relax though. Having been sitting on his ass for four days straight, the sunlight beating warmly on Dean’s head and the feeling of the asphalt under his feet was a soothing change.

Nerves flipped his stomach though when he finally made it to the park and found Cas already there, waiting under the same tree they’d sat by before. He had his hands in his pockets and the dry breeze in the air ruffled his hair. Dean suddenly stopped walked and quickly hid behind a tree before Cas could notice him.

“What am I doing here? What the hell am I doing?” Dean whispered to himself as his heart sped up. “This isn’t right, remember?” He took a deep breath. But his subconscious decided to act for him, even though his head was telling him he needed to turn around and just ditch Cas.

“Hey, Dean,” Cas called out as he neared. Dean’s movements were slightly stiff, he was walking against his own will after all, and it was obvious that Cas noticed. His eyes moved over Dean before they caught his green eyes and stopped Dean in his tracks.

“Uh, hey,” he stuttered out, blinking. Cas narrowed his eyes at him quizzically.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just been a… weird week…” Dean’s voice grew quiet until he suddenly added, “Anyway, how have you been?”

“Well,” Cas replied, finally taking his unnerving eyes from Dean. He surveyed the trees as Dean tried to tell his subconscious to shove it because it was becoming a lot less “sub”.

As much as Dean’s brain was telling him he most certainly should not be thinking about kissing Cas, even though the boy with the bright blue eyes was most certainly his soul mate, Dean couldn’t help himself. Those lips of his just looked so inviting…

“Dean?” Cas’ voice pulled Dean from his reverie as he realized he’d been staring blatantly as the other guy.

“Sorry, I’m just tired,” Dean said lamely, looking anywhere but at him.

“We can do this some other time…”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m kind of glad you called actually.” Dean grimaced. He cursed himself for how that sounded. He didn’t want Cas to think he was actually warming up to the idea of being with another dude.

He suddenly itched to move and slowly started to walk beside the trees, glad that Cas took the hint and immediately joined him. They walked languidly in silence, Cas with his hands at his sides and Dean with his shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans, trying to calm himself and failing.

“Dean…” Cas suddenly spoke and Dean glanced at him to find a pink blush on his pale skin.

“Yeah?” He prompted when Cas didn’t continue.

“Never mind.”

Dean tilted his head a little. “What?” Cas just shook his head. “Seriously, tell me.”

“I… I was wondering if I could hold your hand?”

Dean was taken aback by the question. He hadn’t been expecting it at all. For a moment, he stopped, and just looked at Cas. Then, without his conscious approval, Dean gave a half-smile. “Sure,” he answered, holding out one of his hands. Cas blushed harder but laced his fingers with Dean’s as they resumed walking.

“So what’s your family like?” Dean asked after a while when they stopped to sit in a patch of shade, hands still connected.

Cas glanced at him. If he was surprised at the question, though, he didn’t show it. “I live with my half-sister, Anna, and our mother. Anna’s father takes care of our brothers Luke and Michael.”

“Wait, Luke and Michael Milton?” Cas nodded slowly. “You’re related to those bastards?”

“We have the same mother, but I have not seen them in nearly five years.” Dean quieted and waited for Cas to continue. “I am the son of my mother’s soul mate, but she married Zach when they were young. Zach’s soul mate died when they were still children, and my father died in the war soon after I was born. After that, my mother got back together with Zach and they had Luke but divorced six years ago.”

“That’s… and interesting family situation,” Dean said, still wrapping his mind around it. After a while, Cas reciprocated the question and it only took Dean a moment to say he lived with his parents and little brother. They continued asking each other questions as the day wore away.

Dean found that Cas’ favorite color was green, and as he looked into Dean’s eyes, Dean felt a blush and turned his face away. He also learned that Cas like to paint and he asked Dean if maybe someday he’d let Cas paint him. They fell into an easy pattern of talking and laughing and Dean felt himself relax more than he had in a long time. When evening came and told them it was time to go home, Dean almost felt sad to leave.

“I had a good time today,” Cas said to him shyly as they stood together at the edge of the park.

Dean surprised himself by saying, “I did too.”

“Maybe we should do this again?”

“How about tomorrow? Same time?”

“Okay.” Cas smiled at him for a moment before he began to head home. Dean watched his back with a sinking feeling.

“Oh, no,” he whispered into the breeze, the relaxed feeling he’d had suddenly vanishing. Slowly, Dean returned home, head and heart heavy for reasons he didn’t quite understand.

 

**Part 2.2: Meet**

 

“Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?”

The words slipped out of Dean’s mouth before he could stop them. He and Cas had spent another afternoon together at the park, just quietly talking together about this and that. Before he’d made it to the park, Dean had been a mess. He didn’t know what it was, but when he was away from Cas all he did was doubt and worry about what kind of sick game fate was playing. But when they were together…

“Sure,” Cas replied and Dean’s heart immediately lifted, bringing him a shy smile.

They leisurely made their way back to Dean’s house. But when they arrived, Dean stood outside the door for a moment, nervous once again. “Cas, I haven’t told them anything about you yet…”

“I’m sure everything will be fine, Dean,” Cas replied, sliding his hand into his soul mate’s and smiling at him.

There were two sides fighting within Dean; one said that he needed to STOP and just tell Cas he couldn’t be with him and give up. But the other side said that Cas was… perfect, and that his family would somehow be okay with it and they’d live happily ever after. That thought nearly made Dean sick and he quickly opened the door and led Cas inside, turmoil building in the pit of his stomach.

They found everyone talking and laughing in the kitchen. Mary was shaking a spoon at Sam, who replied with a grin while John snickered behind the newspaper from his seat at the table. They all noticed Dean and Cas after a minute and quieted down.

“Hey, honey, you’re just in time for dinner!” Mary said pleasantly, wiping her hands on the red apron she had tied around her waist.

Dean’s eyes moved from his mother to his brother and then to his father who were all glancing over Cas. “Um, guys, this is Cas. Cas Novak. My soul mate.”

Cas did a little awkward hand wave as Sam gaped and John’s eyes grew wide. Only Mary seemed to stay perfectly serene. “Welcome to our home and our family, Cas!” she told him charmingly.

“Thank you,” Cas replied with a slight blush at the scrutiny.

“Dean…” Sam suddenly looked at his brother. “You’re gay?”

John hid his face in the paper as Dean glared daggers at him. “No, I’m not, I just—”

Mary cut him off to reprimand her younger son. “Sam, that’s rude.”

Sam made a half-laughing, half-shocked face at Dean but shut up. Dean meanwhile looked over at Cas who was watching the family with faint amusement. Dean grimaced and he just shrugged in reply.

“Alright, everybody take a seat. Cas what would you like to drink?” Mary fell into her natural motherly rhythm.

“Water is fine, thank you,” Cas answered quietly, taking a seat beside Dean. Mary complied before serving up a bowl of homemade chili and cornbread in front of each of them. The chili was an old recipe given to them by the Singer’s long ago. It was one of Dean’s favorite things to eat besides burgers, and everyone else seemed to be enjoying it, too.

“So, Cas. That’s an odd name,” John asked, somewhat awkwardly after a while.

“It’s short for Castiel.”

“Named after an angel?” Mary looked at him curiously as he nodded but didn’t push it further. “Your eyes are quite blue,” she eventually said. “Did you get them from your mother or father?” Her husband gave her a look that said she was going a little too far, but she ignored him.

“Neither,” Cas replied, setting down his fork. “No one else in my family has blue eyes.” Dean glanced at him with surprise but he just shrugged slightly. Dinner finished quietly and Dean was surprised that neither Sam nor his father had given Cas the twenty questions like they obviously wanted to do. But he was glad.

After everyone was finished Dean stood with the excuse that he wanted to talk to Cas alone for a moment and led the way upstairs. They reached his room and Cas slowly moved around, looking at the posters of old rock bands on his walls and the CDs stacked on one shelf of his bookshelf. The rest of his room was mostly empty except for his messy bed and desk in the corner with his backpack sitting in the chair next to it.

“Your taste in music is obvious, Dean,” Cas said. For a second Dean though he was making fun of him, but he realized that Cas was just teasing him lightly and he laughed a little.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Cas wandered for another moment before he turned to Dean. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Dean faltered. “Well, I just said that to get away from everyone…”

Cas gave him a look but smiled slightly. “So are you… okay with the idea of us?” he asked cautiously.

“I dunno,” Dean replied in a sigh, looking down. “I guess a little maybe…” He raised his head slightly and found Cas a lot closer than he’d been before. He was instantly caught in the blue depths of his eyes and his dream suddenly rushed back into his head, but he was held in place by lead feet.

“Dean,” Cas whispered, “there is something I have been wanting to do since I first saw you…”

“What?” Dean breathed back, unmoving as Cas suddenly closed the distance between them and pressing his lips to Dean’s. It was a gentle kiss, a chaste one, that lasted only a few seconds before Cas pulled away again, searching Dean’s eyes.

Dean was still, surprised and unsure what to do. But he hadn’t complained or pulled away and Cas apparently took that as an invitation to kiss him again, wrapping a hand around the back of Dean’s head. He leaned into the kiss but it took pressure on his chest from Cas’ free hand to finally get Dean to move. Dean let himself be pushed back against a poster of AC/DC as the kiss deepened. He put his hands around Cas’ waist as the other boy’s knee slid between his legs. Cas’ tongue brushed his lips and he opened them to taste his soul mate.

Trying to take in a proper breath with his mouth covered in Cas’, Dean managed to utter, “Stop…” He pushed feebly at Cas and moved away out of reach. His chest felt tight and he couldn’t even look at Cas.

“Dean…” Cas murmured his name, but Dean turned away and suddenly left the room. “Dean!” Cas’ voice followed him down the hall as he ran down the stairs. He barely heard Mary call to him as he moved past them and out the front door. It was sunset and the sky was already fading to a dark purple as Dean strode down the driveway with no idea what he was doing or where he was going.

“Dean, wait!” Cas caught his arm and made him stop. Shaking him off, Dean stood still for a moment, emotions filling his torn heart and threatening to spill over his cheeks. Unable to hold himself up any longer, Dean collapsed to his knees. “Talk to me, please,” Cas said quietly, kneeling beside him though Dean still refused to look at him.

Taking a deep breath, Dean began, “I don’t know what’s happening.” He sat back on his heels, eyes on the pavement below him. “It’s like everything I’ve ever known is telling me that this is wrong. That I’ve only ever been with girls and it’s totally and completely _wrong_ to be with you… I’m a wreck. I don’t know what to do most of the time.” He finally stole a quick glance at Cas, who was watching him, expressionless.

“But when I’m with you… I feel fine. Well, I feel like a little kid in his first relationship, but it feels _right_. And when I’m not with you, all of my doubts and nerves come back and I don’t understand a goddamn thing about this…” Dean trailed off, looking at his hands.

Cas settled with his legs crossed underneath him next to Dean and was quiet for a moment. “But you like it when you _are_ with me, right?” Dean nodded slightly. “I think you just need time to get used to this then…”

“Yeah, I guess.” Dean sighed out a long breath.

“I’m sorry for pushing you…”

He glanced at Cas. “It’s okay. I kind of liked it.” Cas tilted his head away to hide the smile and blush that crept onto his face. After a long moment, Dean took Cas’ hand in his own and held it tight. His head still felt confused, but his heart was finally starting to accept Cas into it.

 

**Part 2.3: Hold**

 

It wasn’t much later that Anna called Cas, wanting to pick him up. The two boys stayed together outside until Anna got there. She got out of the car to meet Dean and surprised him by taking his hands in hers. She was only a few years older than him, and attractive with her long red hair in curls, but Dean, oddly enough, didn’t feel any sort of attraction to her like he normally would have with any girl as pretty as Anna.

“It’s great to meet you, Dean. Cas barely talks about you with us,” she said, pouting at her brother. She turned her eyes back to Dean and leaned into his ear. “He’s so shy, isn’t it adorable?” Dean blushed in the dimness of sunset and nodded, laughing. “Well, as wonderful as you seem to be, I must whisk away my dear little brother from your side.” She smiled widely and him and let go of Dean’s hands.

“We can go in a moment. Let me at least say goodbye,” Cas told her as Anna tugged at his arm. She complied though, and went to wait in the car. “Your family is very nice,” he said lamely, a shy smile on his face.

“Eh, they’re alright,” Dean replied with a half-smirk. “Cas… thanks for coming. And I’m sorry about—”

“Dean, it’s fine,” Cas said kindly, interrupting Dean with a finger on his lips. He took it away after a moment, though, and went to turn away, but Dean caught his hand.

Dean hesitated for just a moment before putting a hand on Cas’ cheek and kissing him lightly on the mouth. He let Cas go after a few seconds and watched him get into Anna’s car before they drove away. When her taillights disappeared around the corner, Dean finally went back inside.

All Dean wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep, but Mary and John immediately cornered him when he walked through the door.

“Honey, I think we should talk…” Mary told him slowly, her eyes gentle. Dean nodded and followed them upstairs to their bedroom, leaving Sam behind at the TV with John’s warning that he better not eavesdrop. Once they were all settled, sitting together on the bed, Dean just looked at his hands while Mary asked, “Is this why you were so upset before?”

“Yeah.”

“Even we’re surprised at this, Dean. None of us expected it. Hell, nobody really knows what to expect when they meet their soul mate.” John glanced at his wife while he spoke before looking back at his son.

Mary put her hand over Dean’s. “But the important thing is that we’re here for you, and you two will eventually come to terms with everything.”

“It’s just so different,” Dean said quietly, prompting his mother to put her arm around his shoulders.

“I know, honey, but you’ll get used to it. It’s just going to take time.” Dean nodded in reply and his parents both hugged him before they allowed him to trudge back to his own room and fall onto the bed.

He woke the next morning on the floor, still fully clothed and with a headache. It was midmorning, he could tell by the sun shining through his window and onto the floor beside him. Not bothering to take a shower first, Dean stumbled downstairs and found Sam making breakfast for himself.

“Where’s Mom?” he asked, opening the fridge and glancing around, eventually pulling out a bottle of orange juice.

“At the hospital.” Mary volunteered at the hospital a couple of times a week, usually working with the children.

Dean sat at the table after pouring himself a glass of the orange juice, for once in his life not feeling very hungry at all. Sam joined him a moment later, plate filled with toast and eggs.

“Hey Dean?” Sam began a few minutes later. Dean raised an eyebrow at him. “What’s it like being with Cas?”

“Ew, gross dude, I don’t wanna talk about that.”

Sam made a face at him. “That’s not what I meant. I mean like, you guys are soul mates…”

“Oh. Well, I dunno. It’s kinda like… well it just feels… _right_. I don’t really know how else to say it.”

“Oh…” Sam looked a little downfallen.

“Sam you’ve only got about two years. Sure it seems like it’s so far away, but it’s really not. It’ll happen though, I just hope you have a much less confusing time than me,” Dean said, giving a half-grimace.

“Is it weird, though, to be around Cas ‘cause he’s a guy?”

Dean thought for a moment. “At first yeah, it was really weird. But I’m a little more used to it now.” He laughed slightly. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s still pretty weird, but I know he’s the one and that things will end up working out eventually. They’re just not working out right now…”

Sam left his brother alone after that and Dean spent the day in his room, lying on his bed and listening to old rock and roll. He left his room only once to use the bathroom, and nobody came to check on him even at dinnertime. For that, Dean was grateful. The next few days passed much the same, Dean barely eating, and finally Mary had had enough.

“Dean Winchester if you do not get up right now and come eat breakfast, I will call Cas and tell him what you’ve been doing to yourself and then he’ll make you eat something.” She was standing, hands on her hips, in Dean’s doorway the morning of the fifth day. Dean himself was lying on the floor on his stomach, arms wrapped around a pillow. He just grunted in reply to his mother.

“Alright, fine. I’m calling Cas.” She stepped over her son to his desk and grabbed the phone that was lying on top. There were six missed calls, all from Cas over the past few days and Mary had no trouble getting him to pick up.

“Hi, Cas, this is Mary. I’m fine, thank you, but we have a little bit of a problem.” Dean was now groggily sitting up and he looked at Mary, half surprised that she’d actually called. “Well, he seems to be in a bit of a depression and isn’t talking or eating. Actually, I think you might be just the person for the job because we haven’t had any progress and it’s been five days. Yes. Alright, then we’ll see you soon. Bye sweetie.”

“There now,” Mary said, returning Dean’s phone to him and smirking slightly. “He’ll be here soon.” In reply, Dean collapsed back onto the floor and waited until his mother left to curl up with the pillow. He was too tired to even care about looking nice, or the fact that Cas was actually on his way over.

It was the sound of the doorbell that woke Dean a little while later. He faintly heard the front door and voices floating up the stairs. Then there was the sound of footsteps as someone came upstairs and made their way to his room, quietly slipping in. Dean heard a sigh as Cas dropped to his knees beside him and began stroking his hair.

They stayed like that for a while, until Dean opened his eyes finally and looked into the worried face above him. “Hi,” he whispered, throat tight.

“What’s wrong?”

Dean just shook his head and put his hand over Cas’.

“Dean, you cannot stay like this forever. You’ll kill yourself if you do.”

“I know…”

They just looked at each other for a moment until Dean turned his face away. He thought Cas was about to say something else but he suddenly sat up, vision going black for a few seconds from the blood rushing in his head. Fatigued as he was, Dean managed to stand up on his own and walk out the door. He looked back when he realized Cas was still kneeling on the floor.

“You coming?”

Cas nodded and got to his feet, trailing Dean to the kitchen where he sat at the table. Mary gave Cas a look and raised an eyebrow. He shrugged in reply but Dean didn’t miss the tiniest of smiles they shared.

Mary served Dean a plate with a fair amount of eggs, a piece of toast, and some bacon. Slowly, Dean managed to eat it all, choking it down past his closed up throat. Appeasing his mother, Dean retreated back to his room with Cas, and promptly fell onto the floor.

Cas laughed slightly at the long sigh he let out and sat beside him, pulling Dean’s head onto his lap. They didn’t talk at all and Dean tensed at first, somewhat wary, but eventually he relaxed and fell asleep, Cas’ hand soothingly running over his hair.


	3. Part 3

**Part 3: Muse**

 

Dean slowly came back to consciousness a few hours later, and the first thing he noticed was that his head was still on Cas’ legs. The second thing he noticed was that Cas was humming. It was a tune he didn’t know, but it sounded familiar. Without moving, he laid there for a few minutes, just listening, until Cas stopped.

“What song is that?” Dean asked, making Cas jump.

“It is a lullaby of the Angels, or so my mother said. She used to sing it to me when I was young,” Cas replied quietly after a moment.

“I like it.” Dean turned over to look up at Cas. They watched each other quietly for a long while.

“You should probably eat something, Dean. It’s nearly lunch time.”

Groaning a little, Dean dragged himself into a sitting position. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” They made their way downstairs where Dean managed to eat a peanut butter sandwich. His mother was happy and allowed them to watch a movie in the main room while she and Sam went grocery shopping.

It was about halfway through the movie, a general action flick that Dean had seen a hundred times, that Cas excused himself to the bathroom. Almost immediately after he left the room, Cas’ phone began to buzz incessantly from where he’d left it on the couch. Cautiously, Dean picked up, deeming it harmless to answer since Cas was otherwise indisposed.

“Hello?” he answered into the mouth piece, not bothering to read the caller ID.

“Cas?”

“No, this is Dean.”

There was a pause. “Dean Winchester? Why do you have my brother’s phone?”

“Cas is busy. Wait, is this Michael?”

“Answer me!” Michael commanded.

“Dude, chill, we’re just hanging out. What do you want so I can tell him when he gets back.”

There’s a sigh from the other side. “My dad just wanted to say happy birthday.”

“His birthday isn’t for two weeks.”

“Well he’s a little early, so what?”

“Okay, whatever, I’ll tell him.”

“Why the hell are you hanging out with Cas anyway? He’s such a freak.”

“None of your damn business,” Dean replied hotly, hanging just as Cas reentered the room. “That was Michael, for you,” he said, handing the phone back.

“What did he say?”

Dean relayed the message and Cas acquired a somewhat sad expression on his face. But when Dean asked what was wrong, he just shrugged and didn’t reply. Suddenly his phone buzzed again with a text.

“Anna is here to pick me up,” Cas said quietly. They both stood and Dean waited as Cas gathered his shoes and went to leave. As he stepped through the door, though, he turned back to Dean and blurted, “Do you want to go to an art gallery with me tomorrow?”

Dean was mildly shocked at the invitation, and though he was never one for art, he nodded. “Okay. I can pick you up.”

“One o’clock?”

“Sure.” Dean was half-tempted to lean forward and give him a kiss goodbye, but Cas turned away and strode quickly to Anna who was waiting in her car in the driveway.

\---------------------

They made it to the art gallery around one thirty and Cas’ excitement was infectious for Dean. They spent nearly two hours walking around the small but popular gallery. Cas liked the paintings best, especially the nature related ones, and Dean liked the sculptures best. Even though Dean had always complained about looking at art when Mary and Sam dragged him to it, he enjoyed himself while he was with Cas.

After they’d looked over every piece, Cas invited him to go back to his house for a while, which Dean readily accepted. It didn’t take long to get there and Dean was surprised when he walked through the front door and found the place very neat and clean. No one else was home, and Cas led Dean to his bedroom.

Peeking into the other rooms along the way, Dean saw one with dark red walls and books and pillows thrown all over the floor which he took to be Anna’s room. The master bedroom was much like the rest of the house, extremely neat and everything was an off-white color. Cas’ room, though, was somewhere in the middle in comparison to the extremes of the women’s rooms.

He had light blue walls and a few stacks of books piled against one wall that also held a fair amount of painting supplies. There were multiple canvases resting on the wall including one in an easel that was a half-painted picture of what looked like Dean.

Not wanting to flatter himself, but still curious, Dean pointed at it and asked, “Is that me?” Cas nodded shyly and Dean stepped closer to look at it. He was sitting with his body turned slightly one way and his head the other. There was a faint smile on his lips and laughter painted in his eyes, which were the only things with color.

“It’s amazing, Cas,” Dean said, turning back to the artist who smiled happily. “When will you finish it?”

Cas bit his lip. “I wanted to ask if I could now. I need to know the colors and I would like it if you would pose so I can.”

Dean hesitated for just a moment before saying, “Okay. Where do you want me to sit then?”

Cas’ eyes lit up and he motioned towards the bed. Dean sat on the covers, which matched the walls, and watched as Cas set up the easel and squirted some paint from various tubes into a pallet. He then moved towards Dean and gently turned his shoulders and then chin, fingers lingering on Dean’s skin for a moment before he turned away rather abruptly.

“Do I need to make a face or anything?” Dean asked, holding the position that Cas had put him in.

“No,” came the reply from behind the canvas. Cas brought a chair over and arranged it so that he could see Dean and paint at the same time. The look of concentration on his face made Dean smile as he watched Cas mix paint. “Turn your head back slightly.”

Dean complied and sat still, trying not to move though his eyes were on Cas in the side of his vision. He found it intriguing to watch Cas while he painted. He adopted a blank expression for the most part until he would purse his lips and tilt his head. Sometimes he would catch Dean’s eyes and blush lightly before turning back to the painting.

After quite some time and a few warnings from Cas for Dean to not move his head, Cas finally stepped back and looked over the painting. He set down his brushes and pallet and moved around Dean, assumingly looking at the lighting. At one point he was standing directly in front of Dean and he turned his head to look up at the painter. Cas took hold of his chin and tried to move his head back, but Dean caught his wrist with one hand and the front of his shirt with the other.

Before he fully realized what he was doing, he’d pulled Cas down and captured his lips. He slowly leaned back, letting go of Cas as the other boy followed him down, holding himself up with his hands on either side of Dean’s head. Cas stood between Dean’s legs and Dean hooked his fingers through the belt loops on Cas’ jeans and tried to pull him closer, biting Cas’ bottom lip in the process.

Cas whined quietly above him and moved his mouth to Dean’s neck, both the noise and his tongue on Dean’s skin sending shivers down his body and straight to his groin. Suddenly they heard the sound of the front door slamming and Cas pulled away, glancing into Dean’s eyes. They could hear someone singing softly to a popular punk song and it was unmistakably Anna.

“You should go,” Cas told Dean, pushing himself off the bed and moving back towards his painting. Dean sat up, speechless and aroused. Anna entered the room and stopped short.

“Oh, I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she said quietly, glancing between the two.

“No,” Cas replied. “Dean was just helping me to finish my painting.”

“Yeah, but I gotta go now, I guess.” Dean stood, looking at Cas as if he would deny that he’d just told Dean to leave. But he didn’t and Dean brushed past Anna with hardly a goodbye for either of them.

 

**Part 3.1: Feel**

 

Dean paced by the front door. It was the next day and everyone was gone from his house: John and Mary at their respective jobs and Sam at Brady’s house for the afternoon. He’d just called Cas and told him to come over as soon as he could, and now Dean was just waiting.

He impatiently strode back and forth, head spinning from the confusion he felt. He wasn’t sure what had prompted him to call Cas, he was still a little miffed about the day before, but he’d called anyway on an impulse. The doorbell suddenly rang, nearly making Dean jump out of his skin. He opened the door to find no one there, but a box sat on the welcome mat. He picked it up and closed the door, bringing it to the kitchen for Mary to open later before resuming his pacing.

He waited what felt like a very long time before the doorbell rang again. This time when he opened it he found Cas waiting outside, hands holding a medium-sized canvas while Anna’s car meandered away behind him. Dean grabbed Cas by the arm and dragged him inside, popping his head outside to glance around before shutting the door quickly and turning to his soul mate.

Cas was watching him warily and Dean hesitated, about to say something. Cas spoke first, saying, “I finished the painting.” He turned it around to show Dean.

There was the spitting image of him, sitting on Cas’ bluish bed and smiling, wearing one of his usual dark green tee shirts that showed off his lean arms and dark jeans. His eyes were a deep green with flecks of gold mixed in and he was amazed at the detail Cas had added. He could even count every one of his freckles. It was like looking in a high definition mirror that accentuated every color and line creating his face and body.

“Awesome,” he finally said quietly, glancing at Cas’ face which positively glowed back at him. Cas set it against the sitting room couch and moved back towards Dean so they both could admire it. Dean was about to say something else, but his body moved faster than his mind and in a few seconds he had turned towards Cas, pinned him to the wall beside the door, and was kissing him ferociously.

Cas was shocked by the sudden motion but he melted into Dean, putting his arms around Dean’s neck and his legs around his hips when Dean lifted him from the floor to push his back into the wall. Dean’s hands made their way under his shirt and ran over the bare skin on his sides.

Even though it was obvious that Cas was liking it, he still pulled his face away from Dean. “Stop, Dean,” he told him, trying to push Dean away.

“Why?” Dean asked breathlessly into the skin at the crook of his neck.

“We need to talk.” That got Dean to back off and he let Cas go, immediately regretting it but honoring Cas’ wish. After a couple of deep breaths, Cas went around him to go sit on the couch and Dean trailed behind, and each sat on opposite ends.

“Why are you pushing me away all of a sudden, Cas? At first you were the one making all the moves and now you’re the one not letting anything happen.” Dean looked at him, lips somewhat pouty.

Cas sighed. “Dean, I am in love with you. I don’t want you to do something you’re not ready for just because of that. I have to know… if you love me, too?”

Dean automatically went to say “yes”, but his mouth snapped shut at the last second. “I don’t know…” he finally said, miserable.

Cas just looked at him for a moment before he clambered across the couch and kneeled over Dean, sitting on his lap. “I think you do know,” he said quietly, staring intently into Dean’s eyes.

“Cas I—”

“Say it, Dean. Just say it.” It sounded to Dean as if he was almost pleading.

“Cas…” he whispered again, stomach clenching with a shred of fear. Cas took his hands and held them out, keeping his mouth out of reach. He was merciless as he began to grind his hips into Dean’s, holding him down and not letting him even touch Cas.

Dean looked at him with trepidation, trying to fight the blood languidly moving to where Cas was currently rolling his hips into. His head fell back over the edge of the couch after a moment, giving up because he was unable to say at that moment what Cas wanted him to even with the form of torture he was receiving.

Cas stopped his agonizing movements, still holding Dean down and obviously realizing that nothing he could do would get Dean to say it. He went to back off, letting go of his hands, but Dean had other ideas. He caught Cas roughly by the waist and pulled him closer. Cas’ blue eyes grew wide for just a moment before Dean’s hand tangled in his black curls and crushed their mouths together.

Dean moved his lips across Cas’ jaw to his ear, whispering huskily, “Fine, I’ll say it.” He moved back across Cas’ lips to his other ear, nibbling at it. “I want you,” he growled. “I _need_ you.” He pulled back to look into Cas’ eyes. “I love you,” he breathed against Cas’ mouth.

Cas attacked him with renewed fervor and Dean’s entire body began to ache under his hot touch. His mouth tasted like heaven to Dean and he felt like he could stay there forever, just kissing Cas, hands taking in every inch of the body before him. The feeling stayed with him even as one of Cas’ hands traveled down and over the bulge that had grown behind his jeans, making Dean moan into his mouth.

Hands under his shirt prompted Dean to raise his arms so that he could be rid of the material and the kiss was broken only momentarily. After another moment, though, Cas’ lips left his again in favor of his neck, trailing downwards until he paused to bite the place where his neck met his shoulder. Dean’s head fell back as Cas worked down his chest with his mouth, one hand continuously rubbing his clothed groin.

Dean groaned loudly as Cas slid off of him to kneel on the floor, unbuttoning his jeans. “Cas,” he said frantically, looking down at his soul mate. “You don’t have to—” He broke off as Cas revealed his cock and held it in his hand.

He glanced at Dean and smirked widely. “I have been waiting for this my entire life,” he said, and just those words made a shiver run up and down Dean’s body.

Dean had received his fair share of blowjobs over the previous few years from various girls, but none of those even compared to the electric shock of pleasure that filled Dean as Cas’ tongue ran over his head and slowly took him into his mouth. Cas was agonizingly teasing him with his tongue and lips, bringing Dean close to the edge in record time.

Dean called out Cas’ name again. “Cas, I’m gonna—” He broke off again as he lost control and his breath left him in a moan as he came. Cas just lapped it all up, surprising Dean, and made his way back to Dean’s mouth, who greedily accepted the rough kiss he received, his hands immediately pulling Cas back onto his lap. He found the waist of Cas’ jeans and pulled out his cock, never once breaking the wet kiss while he rubbed Cas until his soul mate groaned his name and came into his hands.

They continued their kiss for a long time more, putting themselves away as the mood evened out to something gentler. Eventually, Dean found himself lying down on the couch, legs tangled in Cas’ and arms around the other boy. They mostly just lay there, looking into the other’s eyes and sharing the occasional kiss. Dean felt content and hoped that Cas felt the same, which he probably did judging from the smile on his lips.

“We ought to get cleaned up,” Cas whispered after a while. Dean made a face but when Cas detangled himself and stood up, Dean also sat up.

“Come on, we can shower and change,” Dean sighed, heading towards the stairs. Cas followed him to the bathroom and Dean felt suddenly shy as he started the water. He glanced at Cas and found a shy blush on the other boy’s cheeks as well, but he moved towards Cas and prompted him to take his shirt off by tugging at the hem of it. He let Cas slip out of his own jeans while he did the same and stepped into the shower after shedding his boxers, too. Cas joined after just a moment.

Finally having the chance to appreciate Cas fully naked, Dean’s eyes raked over him, definitely not missing the erection that was already growing on his soul mate. He grinned saucily at Cas and pulled him close, kissing him as the water ran over them both. His hands moved across Cas’ wet skin and savored the tautness of his ass and the lean, hard muscles that ran down his back. His head was filled with filthy thoughts as he touched every bit of Cas that he could and felt Cas do the same to him.

Dean pulled back slightly to look at Cas, eyes heavy with lustful questions. Cas just reached down and pulled Dean’s hand over his ass, holding it there as he turned away and leaned into the wall of the shower. Dean took his time gently moving his hands around Cas’ body until he deemed it time to slip his first finger into Cas, reveling in the sharp moan that spilled from Cas’ mouth.

He kissed the back of Cas’ neck as he slowly moved his hand for a moment before adding a second and soon a third finger. He tried to be gentle, but the sounds that Cas was uttering made his head spin. He continued kissing across Cas’ skin, water rivulets running down his face and across Cas’ back.

“Cas I don’t have a condom,” Dean suddenly said, a moment of clarity interrupting the haze in his head.

“I don’t care,” Cas replied breathlessly, his hands fists against the wall. It wasn’t too long until Cas was nearly keening for Dean and he took hold of Cas hips, slowly driving himself in. He groaned at the tightness but as soon as he began moving, they started a rhythm that cleared out any other thought.

Dean had no trouble finding the perfect spot to thrust into that made Cas give off the most delicious sounds. He continued in that spot, one hand reaching around Cas to give him something to thrust into until he finally came against the wall with a groan. Dean pulled away, though he kept one hand on Cas’ waist as he came after just a few strokes of his own hand, moaning out Cas’ name as he did so.

A short while later, after actually managing to clean themselves without having it turn into something sexual, the two boys were both dressed in Dean’s clothes and curled up in his bed together. Dean had his head on Cas’ chest, listening to his steady heartbeat and feeling the movement of his lungs beneath his cheek.

“Dean, you did mean what you said earlier, right?” Cas asked after a long bout of silence.

Dean lifted up his head and looked Cas in the eyes. “Yeah, Cas, I meant it.” He smiled and added, “I love you.” Cas smiled back at him and they both relaxed again.

 

**Part 3.2: Life**

Seven years later found the two soul mates living in the suburbs of San Francisco. Dean didn’t particularly like the city, but Cas loved being by the beach and neither could deny the beauty of the city or even their own little area of Sausalito. Plus there was an aura of acceptance in the entire area that made Dean more comfortable. Even after being with Cas for so long, he was still sometimes self-conscious of being with a guy in public.

Sam had met his soul mate five years previously, a pretty little blonde named Jessica that had immediately taken a friendly interest in Cas and the two were close friends even with the age difference. Both Sam and his soul mate were going to Stanford and Dean barely saw his brother since he’d left, but he was happy nonetheless living with Cas.

After that one day, things had become extremely smooth between them. Everyone immediately noticed the change, and Sam even used to make jokes at how clingy they were with each other, but neither cared. After graduating school, Dean had stuck around until Cas graduated and they’d both left for California where Cas went to a medical school to become a gynecologist while Dean learned mechanics and was the manager for a car shop not too far from their house.

Cas still painted, but only as a hobby. He had his own art room in their house and sometimes he would have Dean or one of their friends pose for him to paint. There were paintings of Dean covering all four walls of that room though; ones from their teenage years, ones of them together from Cas’ memory, and ones he painted from pictures he would sometimes take of Dean that Dean didn’t know about until the paintings were revealed to him. But their prized possession, the first painting Cas ever did of Dean, that one hung in the living room. Sometimes he would catch himself, or even Cas, just staring at it, reminiscing in how things were before. Half the time he missed when they were young, but he didn’t want to live any other life than the one he was in just then.

Cas worked in the city, having just graduated university the year before. Every night he would come home and the two would have dinner together, maybe watch a movie, go for a walk, have a few drinks on the weekends or sometimes go out with a couple friends that lived nearby. Then one January night, as they were out on a sunset walk at the pier near their neighborhood, Dean pulled out a small box from the pocket of his favorite leather jacket and knelt before Cas.

“Castiel Novak,” he said slowly, “will you marry me?”

Cas nodded and whispered, “Yes.” Dean slipped a solid band of gold onto his finger and stood to envelop him in a hug, burying nose in Cas’ neck. After a long moment, Cas pulled away, a wide smile on his face. “You really didn’t have to ask,” he said quietly. Dean laughed and silenced him with a deep kiss, holding his soul mate close.

\---------------------

It was a small wedding that took place on the beach in early June; they invited only their families and a few friends. Dean was dressed in a fitted black suit while Cas donned an off-white one. Sam stood behind Dean as best man and Cas’ good friend Gabriel stood behind him, sniffling slightly as they said their vows. Normally, Dean would have shot him a glare for being a little sack of emotions, but he was far too busy trying to eye-fuck his husband with thoughts of their honeymoon even as he said “I do.” There was a loud cheer as the two kissed and congratulations were in order as everyone migrated to the real affair: the party.

The reception passed without consequence and it was late into the night that Dean and Cas retired; after cutting the cake and shoving it in each other’s faces, after popping far too many bottles of champagne, and after nearly having to tear Gabriel from Sam’s side where he’d drank too much and made even Jess angry trying to pick up Sam, they were both exhausted, but Dean had a few plans in mind that required an early start in the morning.

Everyone dispersed and the newlyweds were left alone in their house. Dean was lying in bed, arms behind his head, when Cas sauntered in through the doorway, mostly drunk and wearing only black silk boxers. Dean smirked at Cas and drank in the sight of him. It never got old, no matter how many times they’d seen each other naked, Dean always enjoyed looking at Cas. His favorite time though was post-sex.

Cas crawled onto the bed on top of Dean and sloppily kissed him. He tasted of alcohol and Dean laughed into his mouth, pulling him down to the bed. “Babe, you should sleep. We’ve got to get up early and you’re gonna have a massive hangover already.” Cas giggled at him and Dean rolled his eyes, pulling the sheets over his husband and holding him tight.

“Hey, Dean,” Cas whispered a little while later, his voice sleepy.

“Yeah?”

“Will you tell me where we’re going tomorrow?” His words were surprisingly clear as he looked at Dean in the darkness.

Dean just smiled mischievously. “It’s a surprise!”

“I don’t like surprises.”

“If I tell you, will you go to sleep?”

“Maybe.”

“Then I’m not telling you.”

“Okay, yes, I will. Just tell me, please,” he whined, kissing Dean lightly with a smile.

Dean sighed. “We’re going…” he whispered, “to Greece.”

“Greece?!” Cas exclaimed. Dean just nodded. He knew Cas had always wanted to go to Greece and he’d been saving up enough money for a long time for them to go there on their honeymoon. "I love you, Dean,” he added in a happy sigh.

“I know,” Dean replied, kissing his nose. “Now go the hell to sleep.” Cas protested feebly, but his alcohol riddled mind soon shut down and Dean was left awake with his husband curled against his chest.

Dean’s mind ran over the wedding and he thought back to when they had first met. When he first hit Cas with his car, there had been some part of him that must have realized they were meant to be, but at the time Dean didn’t know it. But there, as he lay beside his soul mate, he kissed the top of his head and he knew. From somewhere in the house he heard the soft chime of a clock signaling midnight.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met you, but I’m so glad I did,” he whispered into Cas’ curly hair. “You’re mine, always have been, always will be. My soul mate.”


End file.
